You MUST Listen To Your Soul

I am feeling overwhelming gratitude this minute - hell, this week. So many incredible things have happened this week; both bad and good, and in time they have shown their true colors and made clear what I needed to see.

I just arrived home from a dinner Meetup where I met wonderful, new people and, FOR THE FIRST TIME, saw old, familiar people that I'd seen at other meetups and recognized AND THEY RECOGNIZED ME! And just by being who I am I was able to make a newcomer feel as if she'd been there for years (I have a way of doing that - if I do say so myself). The people that recognized me were giving me a hard time, joking with me about being a dive instructor and a football fan. I felt like one of the group. It was wonderful.

After dinner we went to the first bar I went to when I first moved here: Ozona Blue. It has a swimming pool, a jacuzzi, and is right on the water. It's fucking amazing. There was live music tonight (as there was at the other place, but for some reason - which I don't care to detail at this time - we decided to go down the road a half mile and the equivalent of Key West to South Beach) and we drank and danced and had a great time. After everyone left I stayed and bathed in the moonlight - trying my best to get a moonburn on one of the lounge chairs listening to the band. I couldn't understand why someone, on a Friday night, would want to leave the company of a live band (who was pretty good), the quarter moon, the sound of the waves lapping at the boats tied up nearby, the glow of the pool, the service of the waiters in the cool breeze of a Florida evening. I just didn't get it. Search me. I have to get up early this morning, too, but SERIOUSLY! NOTHING is that important. If it is you don't have your priorities in order.

So when I finally peeled myself out of that lounge chair I meandered down 19 Alternate (which runs down the Gulf Coast) and stopped by (first) Edgewater to walk the pier and cry. I do this frequently; both walk the piers and cry. LOL I talk to the water and tell it my dreams and how soon I will see it. This time I could tell it it would be really soon. :) I'd found my scuba shop and I now knew it was going to be REALLY soon. I stopped to think about that for a moment... I've been here a bit over 2 months, and as impatient as I am I have found a scuba shop. That's bloody ridiculous. OH - I'M SORRY. I didn't find them - they found me. Well, pretty much.

Anyway, I dried my tears, got back in the car, and continued down 19 Alternate to Sunset Point - my street. Well, basically my street. I live right off of it - you probably can't find my street on a map to save your life. It DID take the U.S. Postal Service an entire MONTH to find me, after all. I pulled off at 19 and Sunset Point to a lookout on the Gulf and sat and looked at Clearwater Beach across the bay for a few minutes. I still can't believe I live here. I wake up every day to this ridiculous noise of Highway 19 - the deadliest road in Florida - a sound I have grown to love (how nuts is that???), I hear the whirl of my ceiling fan in the background (because it is now cool enough to leave the windows and doors open and cool the apartment with the fans only), I hear the birds, the frogs, the crickets, the occasional emergency siren, noisy neighbors, and endless other noise pollution and I know I am in paradise. Frankly, the apartment that I lived in in Greensboro which was situated in the middle of a protected National Park was FAR MORE QUIET than where I live now.

So why do I go to sleep and wake up knowing I am in the paradise I never want to leave for the rest of my life??? It makes me laugh! I can't smell the salt water from here, I can't see it from here, I can't smell fish from here, I have some palm trees around but no mangroves and CERTAINLY no manatees. But I am home. Wherever I am in this silly place, as long as I'm within spitting distance of the beach I'm home. And trust me, that "spitting distance" is getting shorter and shorter every day. LOL

The gratitude I am feeling is overwhelming and, at times, feels like one of those waves that will overtake you when you're in about waist deep. I get angry at times for staying in Greensboro for so long. I feel like I wasted so much time. I felt so lost and I felt like Greensboro was the center of the Universe and I was such a nobody. That is how I know that it was not very good for me. The center of the Universe should never feel like it is on Earth. It isn't. I now feel like I am balanced, and the Earth and the Universe are balanced around me. I believe THAT is what the world should feel like. When we begin to feel like we are the center of the Universe, or someone near to us is (like when your Father is dying) then we should realize that our world is out of balance; because - as stands to reason, it is.

I am still a bit peeved at Greensboro, but I will forgive. I always do. I simply couldn't get here any quicker. It wasn't within the realm of possibility. However, if you are reading this and you have any of the above-mentioned symptoms, or you feel the least bit unhappy where you are, GET THE FUCK OUT AND RUN TO THE PLACE THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. You will never be sorry you did. You will wonder why you didn't do it sooner.

The New Scuba Meetup

What's the next great thing that the Universe has in store for moi? Getting wet. Scuba, here I come. I had joined a scuba meetup and was really underwhelmed with them for different reasons. But Wednesday night there was another one I joined that was holding their monthly meeting just up the road a tad so I attended and was pleased with what I found.

First of all, there was a woman running the meeting. This is no small deal. Being a woman that was taught by Navy divers over 20 years ago I know how hard it is to break into the dive business. Most of the men in power still don't think women should be in the business of diving, and I remember how I had to do everything twice as good to get the same grade as the men.

Second, there were TONS of announcements about how many dives were coming up. This place and that place and here and there. I had NO idea where they were, but that's no surprise; the point is the opportunity is there for me to go and learn where they are. WOO HOO!!!

Third, there was an announcement about an archaeological dive class coming up that you can walk away with a certification as an Underwater Archaeologist Mapper (or some minor classification). Not bad for a couple day's work and $75 bucks. Think of the fun things I could do with that!!! And I just happen to have the refund from my Greensboro apartment eating a hole in my pocket waiting to be used for something special... I think I've found it! :D

Fourth, they had a speaker from a manufacturer that brought some really cool play toys to learn about and play with. Always fun.

Fifth, at the end of the meeting as I was introducing myself to the organizer and the other "important" people they began to understand I was an instructor. There was a sudden hush in the room and an exchange of looks. The organizer looks at me and says, "Are you looking for a job?" I'm like, "Huh?" LOL It turns out the co-organizer at another dive shop is looking for another instructor to help out. I'm dumbfounded. How is it that people doubt the Universe when stuff like this happens?

The reality of the situation is that I've been absent from instructing so long that I would have to take another IDC (Instructor Development Course) and IE (Instructor Exam) plus get my insurance back up to current. So (ballpark) we're talking about $3,000 give or take. I simply don't have that kind of money. BUT I could play divemaster for him, which covers almost the same responsibilities without the cost for about $130. Now THAT I could probably swing. It would hurt, but if you don't tell my creditors I won't either. :/

Diving is such a funny business... You pay all this money to volunteer to pay more money to dive. Nuts, isn't it. So, yes, I'd be paying money to be insured to be able to pay to fill my air tank and fill my gas tank to take trips to fill my air tank even MORE to help certify little tiny baby squids (what we call new students) so they don't die and can learn the wonder of scuba diving and help us save the oceans - because most of them become automatic ecologists. Did that make any sense? Eh....

I am THRILLED at finding this meetup. What an opportunity to get back in the water, work with students again, and - oh yes, spend more money I don't have. LOL Oh, wait though... there were a couple of really cute guys there, though. ;)

Merry Me, Not Contrary

Oh what a wonderful day! The good news I got today has set me free. The sky was blue, the moon was AMAZING! - one of those little fingernail moons that was going down just as I was getting home from Tampa. It was white when I first saw it, and by the time I got home it was orange. SO BEAUTIFUL!

I want to pop a cork on some champagne! I have dodged a bullet so big I'm going to celebrate until - well, my whole life. Literally. I've been given a second chance to do things I thought I wouldn't get to do. My life just gets better and better. I don't know what I did to deserve the gifts I've been given, but I am grateful beyond what words can describe. I am envisioning things I dared not envision a year ago. I am practicing the Law of Attraction better than ever, and truly great things are going to happen in my life - hell, ARE happening in my life.

Now if I could just decide whether to get a cat or not. LOL

10/10/10 - Eighteen Years

...probably because I'm back in Florida.

You know what? It's all good. I just can't dwell on the negative. I'm too happy now. And that just makes me feel happier. :)

Dreams will come true. 50.

Bye-bye Boxes

I am such a happy camper! I have unloaded every single box from my move. OK, so it took me six weeks... I don't care. Besides, I went days on end without working on them. Life HAS to be more than unloading boxes. LOL

All that aside, it is so AWESOME to have them gone. I am still throwing things away, putting things in order, loading (other) boxes and putting them downstairs until I decide what to do with them (my personal storage unit is right underneath my apartment - I LOVE this apartment complex. They have a great setup and really thought through a lot of common problems that haunt apartment dwellers). It is so cool to see my hardwood floors and beautiful dark cocoa carpet. Who knew I'd like the browns and sandy colors in this place? I thought I'd have reservations about decorating with them, but they are fitting right in. LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT!

The size of my laundry room is amazing! So much room for storage and run-over from the bathroom. The bathroom is big but only has one very small cabinet. I had to add a bookcase from IKEA - one that doesn't look like a bookcase but more like a "show-unit" - to have enough room for my "girlie" stuff. Obviously the space was designed by a man. LOL The odd thing is that there was PLENTY OF ROOM for a bookcase in the bathroom. Impressive, huh? The lines are clean and modern, and of course I decorated it in purple (and teal) and sea shells. :)

The kitchen is really looking good. My cobalt blue accessories, cobalt blue canisters, cobalt blue Kitchen-Aid mixer, black and purple grape hanging rack and accessories, and the other fruity/cobalt blue things looks fantastic. And I was able to forgo the cost of a rug by using my old bathroom rugs (which don't look old at all) for now. They look great on the hardwood floor.

The dining room is incomplete because the base to my dining room table is still up in storage in Greensboro. But the hutch with my dishes in it, the etagere with my special things, and the two huge purple dining room chairs are looking fantastic in there.

I still need to find places for all my books. I am alarmed by how old fashioned I am at times. I love books and don't really know how to give them up. I can't afford any of the new technology to replace them, and I'm not sure I would even if I could. I like the sturdiness of a book, and I don't want to stare at some kind of screen to read. That's not my idea of relaxation.

I am still missing one of my papasan chairs. It rests as the crown in my storage unit in G'boro. LOL I need to buy one more besides that one, so there is plenty still in progress.

The bedroom is the last room to be done. It's pretty much a mess still. But with my vow of celibacy it's no real big deal... it's not like anyone is going to see it anytime soon. LOL It is hard to find the clothes I want to wear, though. HA! The joke's on me!

I still have to tweak the feng shui around here and that will take some time, especially when all my pictures and quite a bit of my decor accessories are still in Greensboro. I need to get that started, though, because it will help iron out the life bumps I'm experiencing right now. Everytime I get the feng shui right in a corner of my "life" it improves. So that is high on my agenda.

It feels good to be free of those damn boxes. Mayhem has exited, order is eminent. I must remember though, as I recently told a friend of mine, "Life is a journey, not a destination." There will always be something to add, subtract, improve, throw away, give away... such is the adventure and excitement of growing and learning. I hope to never stop looking around and seeing what can change and improve.