Who Is This Woman?

Lily Pod arrived yesterday and was unloaded today. Thus, my house is full of familiar furniture and boxes. The boxes aren't familiar, just the furniture. I still have a lot of stuff to throw out, "pare down" being the more delicate term, and I can't wait to get started with that - seriously. Although the Judge in my divorce was pretty fair in awarding "things", I now feel that I just got stuck with stuff I didn't want bought by a man out of control in a marriage that was way past healthy. When I made my exit I replaced things, added some, kept some. Over the years as I have healed and realized what I want my life to be about I have decided to get rid of a lot of it. Now, all of a sudden, I can't seem to get rid of enough. I keep going back through the house in areas I swear I thought I was finished with discarding more and more "stuff". Some I intend to sell (like my entire set of china from when I was married), and some it going to Goodwill. Some isn't the worth the time it takes to throw out. I already have a blog in the works for a redux about what I can and can't live without, now that I have been living without most everything for about two weeks. It has been an interesting experience.

What I find most interesting about today - the day my house is again full of my "things" is that the old Debi would be immediately diving in; unloading boxes, filling cabinets, going through kitchen items and throwing out those things I don't want anymore. But what is this "New Debi" doing? This New Debi that has emerged from this spiritual growth period she's been through for the past couple of years? First, she took a nap. Always a good beginning. NEVER do anything when you're exhausted. The world seems like such an ugly place when you're tired. Second, I called a friend to let her know I was still alive and kicking and deliriously happy in Florida. Third? After I finish this blog (no, I'm not on my computer yet - I'm in the business center. Apparently the wheels of the cable company in this town turn V.E.R.Y. slowly) I'm headed out the door behind me to the the pool I am at this moment staring at. I thought of driving the 6 miles to the beach but I really do want to get some boxes unloaded this evening, so I don't want to take that much time today. From what I understand the beach will be there tomorrow, too. Or later tonight, even. It's a 24/7 attraction. I've even found my own little piece of beach I like. It's right by a kayak rental. :) But I digress.

Who is this new woman that isn't out of shear guilt tearing through boxes to make things absolutely perfect the first minute she can? Who is this woman who is putting her happiness first and letting things fall where they may? I sure hope she stays around. I'm not saying I'm going to let things go, or that I'm giving up perfection. But it used to be an either/or directive. It isn't anymore. There has to be a balance in my life now. No, there IS a balance in my life. Well, maybe "has" is an OK word. Because without that balance I go back to the Old Debi. And I never did like her that much. She was uptight, unhappy, and a whole lot of other "u's".

This blog really is my journal. Boy, do I have a lot of journalling to catch up on. I need my computer back.