Women, History, Men, and Happiness

Geez - has it been that long since I blogged?

I'm so self-absorbed. The move; my recent VERY DISTURBING-UNCOMFORTABLE-UPSETTING incident; staying with my hugely 8 1/2-month pregnant cousin for longer than intended - by choice, of course... One had a lot to do with the other, actually.

You see, I have been almost completely friendless in Greensboro. It's been a beautiful place to live, and fulfilling in several ways, but not in the area of relationships. Most of the women I have met have been hypocrites or simple back-stabbers. Back-stabbers are almost better than hypocrites simply because at least you know where you stand with them. I never undervalue knowing where I stand with people.

JUDAS PRIEST, THOUGH! Some of these women act so insecure and passive/aggressive! WTF! They treat me like I'm the enemy. And I think that is what they think I am! I'm the competition. For WHAT I don't have a clue. Men? No. I didn't join the damn Meetup to meet men. I joined it to meet FRIENDS and have people to go do stuff with. It is bad form to date within such a small social group. That's kinda like pissing where you eat; biting the hand that feeds you; cutting off your nose to spite your face... Nah... I've gone off the deep end with the metaphors. Literary Festival concluded.

I've been so grateful for that Meetup, though. It has given me a reason to leave the house, other than the beach and doing laundry. I've seen movies I'd have never seen, eaten at restaurants I'd have never tried, and met several quality people I absolutely HAVE to stay in touch with after I move. And when push comes to shove I have no reason to complain. I am blessed beyond all reason. Some of these folks will never know joy, love, and personal empowerment like I do. They are just wonderful, sincere humans being who they are. I am proud to say I am finally down to earth enough to have learned to appreciate them for who they are. I think there may have been a time when I couldn't have done that, I don't know. But I can now and I am a better person for it.

It's this lack of girlfriends, though, that sent me running back to my cousin's house this week, luckily to find out that she is a true girlfriend in the real sense. The devastation of the thing that happened Thursday made me see I needed to get out of town and do some thinking to get my head on straight. It was SO the right thing to do! We had a wonderful time doing stuff - and not doing stuff. Loved being around a baby belly again; made me think of Anne and Rachael - Rachael being the little baby I (slightly) helped into the world on July 11th OH SO MANY years ago, and Anne being her single mother. Such wonderful memories for a woman who can't have children to be able to look back on. Pretty cool, huh? :) And to find out that I, for the first time since living in Dallas 20 years ago, had a place I could run away to and have a friend on the other end. It's so important to have that in life. Research shows it actually shortens your life without that kind of support. I'm so lucky.

That's it for tonight. GOD! I love to write. I also love to talk, damn it. I talk WAY TOO MUCH. Especially when I see my certain FB (Friend with Benefits is the PG version - Fuck Buddy is the real definition). He makes me nervous because I'm sure he doesn't like me. He's just putting up with me to have sex (it's true, isn't it?), and so I cover up my nerves by talking CONSTANTLY. YADA YADA YADA, OMG what an idiot I sound like. Chatty Cathy like I just surfaced from a dive. (I talk incessantly when I finish a dive... adrenaline rush, no doubt - talking to fish is exciting! I should know - I am one!) Anywho, where was I headed with this rant? Oh yeah... self-loathing. Tell you what, we'll skip that tonight. Mr. FB may never know who I REALLY am when I'm REALLY being myself, but I'm not going to make it worse tonight by beating myself up about it.

Nighty-night.