The walk across the beach was longer than usual. I even walked quicker than usual because I was so mad. We were both really pissed - me and the ocean. I walked straight into the surf up to my shins and immediately noticed a problem. The sand under the surf was riddled with shells. That's just not normal at Clearwater Beach. The sand there is unbelievably fine, and it's that way pretty far out into the safe area. And you know how you can count the waves to see how many waves are inbetween the big ones? It's usually like 9 or 13 waves inbetween the big wave. Tonight the big waves were coming in every-other-one, then every three, alternating between the two. It was very odd. The surf got so rough I had to get out of it. Shells kept hitting my legs. So I backed out up to my ankles. The waves were so high I still got my shorts wet.
The beach was deserted. Not a surprise - summer is over and season hasn't started yet. I'm glad there was no one there because I needed to yell at God - and I did. I was so angry tonight. I miss having someone to confide in, someone that loves me, someone to snuggle with, someone that knows the meaning of intimacy, a man that is grown-up. It may be a hard bill to fill but that's what I want. And because I don't have one yet - I thought I had married it but I was wrong - I get pissed. Then occasionally it gets SHOVED IN MY FACE. That always feels good. Brings all the hurt, anger, longing, oh hell, pick an adjective.
I think the ocean is angry because of the weather low sitting offshore. I know at times a hurricane that is 500 miles offshore can make the undertow really bad, so it stands to reason that a low could do that to the surf. I know what stirred me up, and with my trip to the beach and unloading on my blog I feel a bit better. Maybe both of us girls will be back to normal in a few days.
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