If Wishes Were Fishes

Many of us have probably been at a place where we never thought we'd find ourselves. Well, here I am. I never thought I'd be this far along in life and not have a mate or a friend I could call to do something with on a gloriously beautiful Saturday.

It's not that I don't have friends. I do. I have many. Most of them live out of town, however. I followed my Ex-husband halfway across the United States foolishly thinking that was the thing to do. Isn't loyalty a part of marriage? Especially when I didn't work or have a career of my own at the time. It took me years to wake up to the fact that loyalty should only be a part of it when loyalty is present and equal on both parties' sides. He wasn't really following a dream, he was running from bad decisions and behavior. Alcoholism will make one do that.

So my friends are literally scattered up and down the East Coast and in Texas and Oklahoma. Thanks to the internet and Facebook I can stay in touch with them. And thanks to Lupus (yes, I am grateful for all things because there are no mistakes in the Universe) I can travel to see them when time and money permit. But that still leaves me here in little ol' Greensboro, North Carolina. Pretty much alone with nothing to do on a beautiful Saturday afternoon.

Again, I must qualify that statement. I know of about a dozen men that would love to get together and have carnal knowledge of me. Hey - I love sex more than any girl I know (right now) but I need more than just a role in the hay for it to do much for me. OK, that's a HUGE lie. The truth is I'm trying to live closer to my spiritual core. And I can't do that and have random sex with random men that just want to randomly have my body - no matter how randomly I want it. I use to think it was "spontaneous". Spontaneity has nothing to do with it. It's just random. Men, I think, are built for it. Women - not so much. We have those hormones that tie us to people and things. They are what make us "Not Men". They are what make some of us wish we were lesbians. But that is for another blog.

Truth be told there might be one or two people (read as women) I could call to go do something with today but I know they are either busy or out of town. As I get more involved in these "Meetups" that I am joining I am meeting more and different people that I can do things with outside of the Meetups. But it takes a long time to cultivate a friendship when people have such busy lives of their own. I think most people assume I work. Well, why wouldn't they assume that? I look normal and seem intelligent. Very few people know of my history with lupus (as far as I know). Which is fine - I don't necessarily want to announce it at meetings. People treat you differently sometimes. They avoid you like the plague or they treat you like you're dying. Right now I just get treated normally, which is nice. :)

So, as usual, I am left to my own devices on the beautiful, sunny, birds chirping Saturday. I won't dwell on how lonely I am. I'll do errands, walk, do my back exercises, continue on the feng shui of the apartment, and miss going to the beach because I thought I needed the sleep today. Turns out I really didn't get that much extra sleep. It just isn't happening these days. Thanks, Dr. John. ASSHOLE. It's probably time I head to the DC area to see the Bro and the Nieces. Get away from here awhile and play with them and in the pool. I can always get in trouble up there. :D